I am suffering from sleep deprivation. I am working quite a lot, and I have no real new experiences to document here. I work, I eat, I sleep, and I rarely leave a box consisting of a few cubic kilometers.
It’s been grueling. And it will continue to be grueling for awhile.
For now, I will need to put this mission log on hold. My access to communications gear is too limited, and I have so little to discuss, that it’s not worth a weekly update.
I will resume the mission log either when I have something to report, or the mission parameters change and I have more free time to think.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself and be safe.
I feel myself squeezed by the constraints of my current assignment. I like the work, and I like some of the people, but I despise the organization, its culture, and its “values”. They treat workers like disposable cogs; they squeeze every drop of effort out of them that they can, until the worker quits. Most of my comrades are at the edge of quitting. I am looking for some other assignment as well. I can work other places, where I can get paid more for less stress.
Meanwhile, the season grows cooler in the jungle. Soon we will be able to work outside for an entire day without leaching away every drop of moisture in our bodies. This is a good thing, for the jungle is ever-encroaching. It must be hacked back, vigorously and relentlessly, lest it take over everything.
Conditions are the same, no change. I have access to communications gear only once a week, so this is the only window of time in which to post.
If only I had something to report. The mission continues, no news other than that.
I am finding something of a balance, an equilibrium, at work. It has been a very stressful environment, with a group of humans who are nice, but who are immersed in a corporate culture of lack of direction, blame when you don’t know something (“well, you should have known that”), lack of recognition when you do something right, and general negativity and hatefulness.
Still, it’s a mission, and it pays enough to maintain the main bunker and the forward observation post. Remember, the Martian Empire expects its agents on this planet to pay their own way in local currency. It forces us to immerse ourselves in the culture of the locale to which we are assigned to observe, and it helps ensure that we do not attract attention to ourselves if we were seen to exist in the local society “without visible means of support”.
I am counting the local days until I can switch to another mission. Meanwhile, I am taking what pleasure I can in the things I enjoy. My body’s health is good. I am not currently subject to the ravages of war, disease, famine, or pestilence. All of my basic needs are met. I cannot ask for anything more. All I have to do is wait.
In other news, I spoke with an acquaintance about prosopagnosia (most humans look alike to me – I mainly distinguish them by hairstyle, stature, movement patterns, and voiceprint). She said she also doesn’t recognize people, but it’s because she does not look at them unless she has a reason to interact with them, and then she will only recognize them if they are in the context of her normal interaction with them, such as at work or at school or in the neighborhood. She told me a story of how she was at a library with her children, and the elderly female security guard walked over to her. The guard said that she was retiring at the end of the week, and she would miss seeing my acquaintance and my acquaintance’s family on a regular basis the way the guard had seen them for the past 15 years.
My acquaintance said that she was taken aback by the security guard’s remark. My acquaintance had never even noticed the security guard, yet the security guard was quite familiar with my acquaintance and her children. My acquaintance found the security guard’s comments disturbing and unsettling. I would have found them flattering, because I specialize in not being noticed. I would also have expected the security guard to be aware of the people who frequent the library – that’s her job. Finally, I would have felt badly if the security guard had noticed me and watched me for 15 years, yet I had never noticed her. I try to notice the staff of buildings or organizations that I frequent, and I speak with them and try to learn their names, and I thank them for doing their jobs. Humans like to be recognized, and I try to humor them. It’s good practice for moving through society, and you never know when you will need their help, so it is wise not to ignore them.
The story my acquaintance told reminded me that we all have an impact on the lives of everyone we encounter, in small ways or in large ways, and often we never even know it. And I inferred something about my acquaintance: she had been stalked, attacked and/or abused in the past, which would explain her negative reaction at being noticed by someone.
I have been on vacation the last two weeks. I have done quite a lot of nothing. I spent some time in the mountains, some time in the jungle. I have been pondering my current mission and whether I want to continue it. There are a lot of things I do not like about it. But I think the prudent thing is to continue the mission until my goals are met. Then I can quit and look for a new mission. This will probably be a standard Earth year from now. But I have that to look forward to. A lot of parameters will have changed by then, which will allow me a fair amount of flexibility in choosing a new mission.
Knowing that I have control over my future helps me accept and deal with the present. That helps.
So the organization I am currently working for decided that, because the project plan said it was time to go live with the new software in the Production (“real”) environment, they should do that, even though the software wasn’t nearly ready and in fact had failed more than half of its tests.
So they promoted it to the Production environment, where it promptly blew up on a regular basis. Now they have two sets of Help Desk tickets that they are tracking: one set for the problems in the Test environment, and one set for the problems in the Production environment. The two sets of Help Desk tickets are nearly identical, but they are in two different systems (one Help Desk system is used only for test environments, and the other Help Desk system is used only for Production). So now they had to create a big spreadsheet to track the two sets of Help Desk tickets that exist in two different systems.
No other organization in my decades of work on this planet has ever done anything like this. Putting buggy software into the Production environment puts the business at risk. But then, this organization is “too big to fail”, and they create money out of literally nothing. So it really doesn’t matter to them.
Today I learned something that helped explain their apparent stupidity. Help Desk tickets for Production get worked on much more quickly than Help Desk tickets for a Test environment. In fact, because Production is the priority and Test is not, a Help Desk ticket for Test may languish for months before it is resolved. A Help Desk ticket for Production will get escalated so high, though, that it will become an agenda item for the next corporate board meeting, if necessary, to get it resolved.
So the organization is basically using its own bureaucracy as leverage against itself. Because Help Desk tickets for Production get fixed and Help Desk tickets for Test don’t, it makes a perverse kind of sense to put bad software into Production so that it will explode and then get fixed. Never mind that it puts the business at risk and that it angers the users who are supposed to use it. This organization doesn’t care about users. In fact, this software is Robotic software, designed to REPLACE those users. So a few annoyed users, or even hundreds of them, are irrelevant. They’re going to be fired eventually anyway.
I am looking forward to leaving this organization. It is an unhappy place to be.
Apparently this Forward Operating Base where I’m stationed now is subject to violent weather a lot of the time. I enjoy lightning and thunder, but this is a little ridiculous. Thank goodness everything is insulated and grounded.
Life is frenetically busy. I have way too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it in. But it should settle down in a few months.