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Lumberjack

2015-09-24T15:17:50+00:00

This planet has such lush vegetation. I especially love the trees, soaring high above the ground, stretching toward the sun, drinking in all the yellow and blue and red wavelengths of light to create sugar, reflecting only the green light.

I especially like cutting down a tree, after apologizing to it first. It can’t run away, and usually it cannot fight back against the steely bite of a saw, except for emitting noxious, irritating sap now and then. It didn’t ask to grow where it did. It did what it was programmed to do, in the spot it happened to be. They do their jobs well, until we decide that their jobs are finished.

I cut down two trees today, and I did not apologize to them, because they were a royal pain. They harbored all sorts of ants, especially carpenter ants. Our bunker is mostly concrete, but the ants like to build galleries in any wood they can find, and they’re attracted by moisture. The bunker has water, and they can smell it, so they are always trying to get in. The electromagnetic barrier field usually kills them, and we usually hunt down and kill the queen. But there are always more queens. It’s one of the joys of living in the jungle, having to battle plants and insects constantly.

I cut down one of the trees in sections, to avoid crushing delicate plants beneath it. The other, I cut down in one piece, against darling wife’s wishes. It fell exactly where I wanted it to fall, because we aliens are good at math and physics.

It’s why we make good lumberjacks.

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