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She’s not so strange


A clone from a much more recent batch related her recent experience at an engagement party for one of her female friends. Everyone was so excited for the woman who was getting married. Everyone was eager to plan all the details of the wedding day.

My relative was perturbed. She couldn’t understand why everyone would be so excited about an engagement or a wedding. She could see the sociocultural programming at work among the members of her cohort, and it disturbed her. I wasn’t surprised… it disturbs me also. A betrothal is merely an announcement of a planned partnership. The trappings of weddings, the long and expensive planning process, the orchestration of the “big day”… all of that has been built up over centuries of tradition, and then has been compounded a hundredfold by the wedding-industrial complex of the last several decades.

It all leaves my relative cold. She’s not even sure she wants to get married, much less have children. But after witnessing the circus of her friend’s engagement party, she’s pretty certain that she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of a wedding. “It’s just one day,” she said. “Why go to all that trouble and expense to plan one day, when all the thousands of days that come after that are so much more important?”

I was proud of her, and I told her so. She’s expressing an intelligent objection to the sociocultural programming she sees all around her. It’s more difficult for her to resist it, because peer pressure can be intense for females. She’s strong, though. She’ll do what’s right for her, not what her peers expect.

If they don’t like it, perhaps they’re not her peers after all.

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