The addict is inseparable from the addiction
I was watching an addict scream at a family member when she couldn’t get her drug “fix.” A bystander reassured the family member, saying “It’s just the addiction talking – it’s not her.”
That kind of “understanding” and “compassion” toward an addict is merely crazy-making behavior. It encourages family members and bystanders to continue to allow the addict to manipulate them. A sane entity must not allow that.
The addict is inseparable from the addiction. If the addict says mean things, or tries to manipulate you, it doesn’t matter what is making her do that. The only way to fight it is to deny the addict’s requests, and to refuse to engage in conversation with the addict. Because any conversation will invariably end in the addict trying to manipulate you into giving them the drug they want.
And you must not help them, no matter how hurt or betrayed they may say they feel. Their addiction is not your problem. Their pain is not your problem. Your primary goal should be to protect yourself. A secondary goal can be to help them break their addiction, but it’s certainly not necessary.
But if you’re going to bother, the only way to attain the secondary goal of helping them – is by not helping them.