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He was too controlling


Our friend K began dating an acquaintance, D. They met through their common interests. He would come to her workplace and hang out and occasionally buy things. She wanted companionship, and he had just divorced another wife.

It went well for several weeks.

He invited us over for dinner. He used to be a chef, so we knew dinner would be good. And it was; an endless panoply of interesting flavors that I’d never experienced before. He is very talented.

But the disappointing thing about the evening was how he spoke to her. It wasn’t loving, and it wasn’t supportive. Everything he said to her was a challenge, a taunt, a disagreement. He was always on the offensive, and she was always on the defensive. It made us uncomfortable.

“I give it three weeks,” said darling wife, after we left. I said, “two weeks.” We agreed to split the difference, and then we waited to see what would happen.

We were right. Two and a half weeks later, she told us that she had informed him they were finished, after he sent her two dozen texts in one night, accusing her of being somewhere else than at her home doing her laundry, when he wanted her to visit him. She decided that was too controlling and too crazy, and she told him goodbye.

I told her that I could see why he was divorced (again). She agreed. I asked her why she wanted to be the “rebound girl,” when she knew he had just divorced his previous wife a few months ago. She looked blank. I don’t think she had ever heard of a rebound relationship.

Now she has. And now she knows how rebound relationships inevitably end. Partly because they’re doomed from the start. And in this case, it was also because D was crazy. Now all the horrible things he told us about his ex-wife sound quite different to us. Perhaps there was nothing wrong with her at all, and it was D who was doing all the horrible things.

Hopefully K can do better next time.

One Comment
  1. Sweetie Pie permalink
    2013-11-28T11:29:53-05:00 11:29

    I think people just don’t understand that it’s ok to be with yourself. I’m a good kid. I’m ok with being on my own and not be imposed over complicating things by someone else. For now anyway.


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