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A secret underground cloning laboratory

2013-09-25T07:00:25+00:00

If I watch television news (which is not often), I watch Fox News. That’s because it really is the best news outlet. You won’t find much anti-Americanism or political-correctness there like you will on NBC/ABC/CBS/PBS, or on the fringe channels like CNN or MSNBC or (Allah forbid) Al-Jazeera. I like the straight scoop, not communist propaganda.

That said, I’m fairly certain that Fox News has a secret underground cloning laboratory where they manufacture their female anchors. Because they all look the same to me. Most humans look the same to me anyway, but these blond women in their tank-top dresses look alarmingly alike.

“That’s Elizabeth Hasselbeck!” said darling wife, when I pointed one out to her.

“Who?” I asked.

“She was on ‘Survivor’ a long time ago,” said darling wife. “She was on ‘The View,’ too. She was the only smart one. The others always attacked her for whatever she said, especially when she made them look stupid, which was a lot.”

“Oh,” I said, intelligently. I don’t consume that kind of media. It causes brain rot, you know. I need to preserve what brain cells I have, in this planet’s corrosive atmosphere. Cultural corrosion via television just erodes brain cells faster.

Anyway. Cloning facility. Advances in tissue regeneration which have been made public indicate that humans have made far greater advances in cloning than what is publicly known.

I’m watching the proof on Fox News.

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