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Why the garage will never be built

2013-01-05T12:20:59+00:00

We want to build a garage on our property, to shield our vehicles from the jungle sun and to have a workshop where I can store my tools.

Alas, it will never be built. And the reason is that, in the interest of making my marriage work better, I surrendered most of my decision-making power to darling wife, long ago. This means that she is free to plan and waffle and change directions to her heart’s content. That means that everything takes ten times as long to get done.

If I want a garage built, I will pick out a plan, make a few phone calls, and a month later it will be done. If she wants a garage built, she will have to look through a thousand plans, decide she doesn’t like any of them, draw her own plan, change it fifty times over the course of six months, agonize about the color and the pitch of the roofline and the exact placement of the windows and the length of the slab and the thickness of the concrete and the spacing of the wall studs, and finally she will throw out her plan and start over.

If it ever reaches the point where construction actually begins, she will oversee it, annoy the workmen, decide they are pouring the slab in the wrong place, have it moved six inches closer to the house (delaying the project another month while they move the concrete footings for the walls), then grudgingly allow the rest of the garage to be built. Once it’s done, she will decide that she wished she’d left the slab where it was in the beginning, because now it’s too close to the house  and it’s affecting the drainage of rainwater. She’ll also wish we hadn’t cut down some dead trees to make room for the garage, because she misses them. Then she’ll decide that the rafters are too high to reach, or that they’re too low to store things under. Or she’ll complain that the garage is too short, or too long, or that we should have added the extra meter of width to my workshop that I wanted but that she overruled during construction.

She behaves this way because she is female. I’ve observed that most females behave this way, to some degree. It seems to be a flaw in the basic design, a peculiar heterodyning of the brain and of the endocrine system that makes it difficult to sort and prioritize facts quickly, analyze them and make a logical decision, then stick to that decision, and not agonize about it later. Unfortunately the problem’s not going to go away without removing parts of the brain or the endocrine system. I doubt she will hold still for that. And it would probably eliminate some of the characteristics which make her interesting.

If I avert the never-ending garage construction nightmare by making the decisions for her and getting it all done inside of a month, then she will complain about any number of characteristics of the garage for the rest of its existence, and it will be my fault because I didn’t let her do things her way.

Therefore it’s simplest to let her do things her way, and accept the fact that it probably will never actually get done.

I can accept that.

4 Comments
  1. 2013-01-07T17:01:06+00:00 17:01

    Wow. I’m offended.

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  2. Stephanie permalink
    2013-01-07T11:18:26+00:00 11:18

    Thought you stated this was for you “to have a workshop where I can store my tools.”.
    If this is mainly your quarters, why would she care so much? But do remember the key words here… she cares. Maybe about the wrong thing, but she cares. :)

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