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An idle click


I was updating a professional profile online the other day. The website, like many others, suggests people you may know.

I recognized one of the names in the list. I had known her decades ago. We dated for a few months. She was the first of three women who taught me that human women generally aren’t worth the trouble. (The fact that it took me three human women to figure that out demonstrates that I am a slow learner.)

I hadn’t thought of this one in many years. Idly, I clicked the link to her profile.

She looked good, for a low-resolution picture of a person decades older than when I last saw her.

I was unprepared for the feeling of irritation which swept over me, though. Irritation and annoyance. I remembered that she started the relationship, and she ended it too. The echoes of feelings long-forgotten reverberated through me.

I found that very interesting. When I end a relationship, I normally don’t see or communicate with that person again. It keeps things simple. This one was no different. But I also don’t revisit memories of that person, and if I do, they are matter-of-fact memories, without feelings associated with them.

If someone else ends a relationship with me, sometimes it annoys me, and I remember that. That was the annoyance I felt when I looked at her picture, the feeling of being hard done by.

It’s quite different to end a relationship on purpose, than to have it ended for you. The memories and the feelings associated with each type of ending are quite different.

I hadn’t thought about that before. Hmm.

Back to work.


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