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Average White Band, “Pick Up The Pieces”


I attended a ballroom dance competition this past weekend, to support a friend who was competing in it. She paid nearly a thousand dollars for the privilege of competing. I think it’s a scam. And I have finally found a sport that I hate more than golf. Ballroom dance, particularly Latin ballroom dance, beats golf for “most irritating spectator sport.” Ballroom dance is not so much an issue of “who is the best dancer,” but more of “who spent the most on their costume.” In the competitions I’ve seen on television, judges seem to be impressed more by the dresses than by the footwork.

My darling wife observed that ballroom dance is a way for people who are not beautiful, to feel beautiful. She has a point.

After the competition, there was a dinner. We’d paid for the privilege of attending the competition, and the dinner was “free.” The dinner made me ill, unfortunately, but it was my choice to consume it even though I knew better, so I have no one but myself to blame.

During the dinner, there was a live band consisting of five middle-aged men. The leader had participated in the dance competition, too. He wore a porkpie hat the entire day, and during his band’s performance that night. You can tell a lot about a person according to the type of hat they wear. A middle-aged man who wears a porkpie hat is creepy, I think. This man was no exception. He also  thought he could play the alto saxophone. I agree, he could play it – badly.

Porkpie-hat-man’s band opened with this tune. I had never known what this tune was called, or who originated it, but porkpie-hat-man butchered it so badly that I was compelled to search out this music and listen to the original tune at least a dozen times, to purge the memory of this weekend from my memory.

Now you can enjoy this tune, as it was meant to be heard, without having to experience my torturous weekend.

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