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I do not think it means what you think it means, part 2


Earlier I wrote about how a friendship may not be what you think it is. So, yesterday another friend of mine got stood up for a long-awaited meeting by another of her friends. They have been friends for 20 years, but this other person has occasionally (but repeatedly) skipped a regular rendezvous with my friend, without explanation. When my friend confronted her about it, this other person merely laughs it off, saying she was busy with someone else, and had forgotten about their regular meeting.

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me,” or so the saying goes. When you encounter repeated mistreatment at the hands of another, it’s not an accident. That person does not value you the way you value them. You’re less important than whatever they’re doing or whoever they’re with.

My friend had a few choices:

  1. Ignore the mistreatment and continue on as if nothing had happened.
  2. Say nothing, but skip the next few meetings and see how her friend likes being stood up. If her friend complains, then either laugh it off (and don’t explain that it was deliberate) or explain it directly. If her friend doesn’t complain, then consider the friendship ended and stop meeting entirely.
  3. Reprimand her friend directly, which can either fix the problem or break the friendship completely.

I like option 2, because I enjoy object lessons while also avoiding a direct confrontation. But my friend chose option 3, because she’s like that. She fired off an email saying that she was hurt by her friend’s actions, and that she wasn’t going to meet for the rest of the year.

We’ll see how that goes. I think their 20-year friendship is over, but I may be surprised. Then again, friendships end all the time. People come into your life to serve a purpose. When their purpose is done, they leave.

Maybe her friend’s purpose is done. We’ll see.

  1. 2012-11-19T21:49:01-05:00 21:49

    I have a friend like this. We’ve been friends since 1979 or so. She never showed up to my wedding, nor came to visit when our son was born, nor was ever there for any of my difficult times (even when I literally begged). I have been there for her through every moment of drama in her life. A couple of times I “stood her up” just to see how she would like it, and it didn’t bother her a bit. I’ve come to the conclusion that we love each other in our own unique ways and to just accept each other as we are. Me, perfect; her, less than so. ;-)


  2. Stephanie permalink
    2012-11-18T19:45:29-05:00 19:45

    She is not wanting to see her friend for the rest of the year? I think your friend is still hoping she means more to her friend than your friend’s friend means to your friend. She is setting herself up for disappointment again. Maybe your friend’s friend will just say: “OK – I am busy anyway!”. I hope she snaps herself out of it.


  3. 2012-11-17T01:32:38-05:00 01:32

    Woah. Two Princess Bride references in one day. Awesome.


    • Stephanie permalink
      2012-11-18T19:38:36-05:00 19:38



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