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The ever-shrinking diet parameters


The happiest Martians are solar-powered. They never need to eat. Sadly, to blend in on this planet, I had to assume a form that requires ingestion of material to burn as fuel. I was very unhappy about that, as I recall, but there was no getting around it.

Sadly, as this body ages and processes material less efficiently, the dietary requirements for it are becoming more stringent.

  • No wheat
  • No rice
  • No corn
  • No cow’s milk, cheese or yogurt
  • No citric acid
  • No carbon dioxide (carbonation)
  • No caffeine
  • No red meat within 6 hours of sleep-time

Basically, it’s becoming apparent that I can’t eat any of the Western staple foods anymore. It’s very annoying, but at least it’s predictable. If I break the dietary rules, I suffer. If I stay within the required intake parameters, I don’t suffer.

I’m a firm believer in pain as a behavior modification tool. It works on me just as well as it works on anyone else.

Pretty soon I will have to switch to solar power, and my superiors won’t be able to deny my request. “Blending in” be damned.

  1. w. mook permalink
    2012-11-06T17:53:34-05:00 17:53

    Lactase enzyme pills and digestive enzyme pills may help until you can switch over to solar.
    If you hate swallowing pills like I do, these two groups of pills can be chewed up without
    tasting too horrible. (At least the ones I’ve tried.)


  2. 2012-11-06T16:19:26-05:00 16:19

    What DO you eat, then?


    • 2012-11-06T17:25:41-05:00 17:25

      Lots of salad, lots of fish and chicken. Urgh. I am so sick of salad. But, I feel good. That’s what matters.


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