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I do not think it means what you think it means.


In the classic film “The Princess Bride,” Mandy Patinkin objects to Wallace Shawn’s repeated interjection, “Inconceivable!”

“You keep using that word,” says Mandy. “I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Relationships are the same way. You think you have a deep meaningful relationship with someone, and then all of a sudden, something happens to make you realize that the other person doesn’t feel that way at all. To them, the relationship didn’t mean what you thought it meant.

It’s always a rude awakening. I’ve learned to avoid it by reminding myself that I don’t matter at all to other people (even if they stridently disagree, whether out of truthfulness or mere politeness). If people are kind to me, I accept that they are being kind to me, and I don’t ascribe any deeper meaning to it than that. If they spend time with me, it’s merely because they don’t have anywhere else better to spend their time. Basically, I try to always remember that I am insignificant and meaningless. The only meaning in the reality that I perceive is the meaning that I choose to apply to it. And I choose to apply no meaning at all to most of it. ;-) Paradoxically, it makes more sense that way.

I was reminded of that truism again, that relationships often don’t mean what you think they mean, because I saw someone else have that epiphany last week. They were very disappointed to find out that their “friend” really wasn’t a friend.

“That’s how life goes,” I said. “Someone else needs you more than that person needed you, so now you’re free to devote your relationship energy to someone else.” It sounded nice. It sounded better than what I said above. It didn’t help them feel any better about it, though. So I didn’t try very hard to comfort them. It’s one of those things that you have to suffer through, until you find a way to stop the suffering.

Everyone has to find their own method. My method is meaninglessness. ;-P

  1. Stephanie permalink
    2012-11-10T11:23:28-05:00 11:23

    I am feeling more and more confident that I have taken the right decision by not trusting anyone and just doing my own thing for the past few years. So many other people in my day to day environment think I have it wrong and that I should try to meet someone or get to know more people. But at the end of my day, I’m not longer as disappointed, I don’t cry about trivialities and I’m willing to wake up the next morning and do my own thing over again. Solely for the reason to find a good old folks home later on and not be a burden to anyone when I die. I’m afraid Families and Friends are over rated. Even more so since dad passed away a couple of months ago. I just want to be me and live for me. That is what the word “individuality” means to me. Being your own person. Why is that wrong?


    • 2012-11-12T08:09:44-05:00 08:09

      Oh, I’m sorry about your dad! I know he was a pain but he’s still the only dad you had. But I agree, you have to be you, and if your family doesn’t like it, that’s their problem, not yours. You have it EXACTLY right!


  2. 2012-11-06T16:24:19-05:00 16:24

    So true. I wish I had learned this lesson when I was young.


    • 2012-11-06T17:26:45-05:00 17:26

      That’s the whole point of my blog… to state the blindingly obvious. It’s my hobby. I take pride in my work.


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