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Catch-22

2012-06-11T10:12:41+00:00

One of the reasons I took this position here on this planet was to escape my irritating, codependent, psychotic family. All sides of my family are annoying, except two specific entities. I like them, but I can’t really communicate with them without getting sucked back into the whirlpool of stupidity with the rest of the family. So I gave up, and focused on creating my own life, and choosing my own family. It’s worked very well for decades. It would have been nice if things had been different, but that’s just how things were.

One of my parental units, a very old one, insists on trying to control me. I insist on my independence by not talking to it much. It may sound horrible, but I’m simply waiting for it to die. I thought I was doing well by ignoring the issue(s), because if you wait long enough, all problems resolve themselves.

This particular parental unit emailed me an itinerary, with no other message attached. The itinerary indicated that it would be visiting a sibling. The implication is that I am supposed to go and visit the sibling at the same time, so we can all be together. I ignored the email. My darling wife asked me why. I did my best to explain. I didn’t do a very good job.

“You’re always fighting,” she said. “Even when you’re not communicating, you’re fighting, and it’s all about things that happened decades ago. Perhaps you’re hurting your parental unit by not cooperating with it. After all, it doesn’t have much time left.”

It occurred to me that I was causing this parental unit pain simply by not doing anything. Part of me liked the idea. Most of me didn’t care. Darling wife said I should care.

If I deal with the parental unit, I have to deal with all the issues involved with it, which (I think) are unresolvable, and will only cause me more irritation. If I don’t deal with the parental unit, then I am hurting it, and I am passing up a chance to resolve issues which may indeed be resolvable, which darling wife says is a Bad Thing.

Catch-22.

I will have to call the parental unit this week. We will see what happens.

4 Comments
  1. Stephanie permalink
    2012-06-21T09:46:51+00:00 09:46

    Same here. I have been told I am living a power trip because I moved away to another country (in their opinion). Totally shunned. Only Mom and Dad really speak to me, and that’s if I call them. They don’t call me.

    Weird how things happen, but I’m doing well on my own. I’m ok with it.

    Did you call your parental unit? How’d it go?

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    • 2012-06-21T10:31:07+00:00 10:31

      I have been swamped this week (how’s the “new” job btw?) and have not called it. Haven’t called the sibling either. Or a best friend who’s laid up with a broken leg. I am a sorry excuse for a family member AND a friend.

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  2. 2012-06-12T03:02:49+00:00 03:02

    Families are a tough business. I have vague memories of my Nan (grandmother) at my Pop’s farm when I was little, but when they divorced, she chose to only continue to keep in contact with her two elder children and, for whatever reason that I am not privy to, to stop talking to her two younger daughters – my mother and aunt. And so, I have seen my nan, maybe, once (?) since then. Fact is, since she just hasn’t been in my life, I haven’t had any feelings about it. I guess part of me wishes we’d had a relationship, but my life doesn’t feel like it’s missing anything, and I assume she feels the same.

    Anyway … just saying … I don’t think it’s all that uncommon. Family are people, too. Sometimes, we just don’t get on.

    Still, sometimes it’s nice to be able to tell yourself that you did make the effort … if it still doesn’t work … at least you made the effort.

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