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The only winning move is not to play

2012-05-19T20:43:03+00:00

Since I arrived here, I’ve witnessed innumerable instances of bizarre, unpredictable behavior from people, both male and female. Most of it was driven by hormones. When people are not subject to hormonal urges, they tend to behave very rationally. When hormones are raging, however, reason goes out the window.

That makes it difficult for a rational, logical person to function in society.

The rise of feminism in the 1960s led to a slow sea change in law which was intended to strip males of power and redistribute it to females. The concept of “sexual harassment” was created, criminalized, and continually expanded. The concepts of “hate speech” and “political correctness” were created also. Today males and their behavior are consistently mocked and demonized in the media and in academia. That’s permissible and even rewarded in today’s legal and social climate.

Now that the law tilts the balance of power decidedly in favor of females, it encourages females to indulge in as much bizarre behavior as they want. Because they are female, they are automatically considered to be a victim, and deserving of the benefit of the doubt, while males are automatically considered to be the aggressor, the victimizer, the criminal.

It makes it very difficult for a young male to figure out how he is supposed to behave toward a female, especially when he is seeking a mate. If he is aggressive, the female labels him a sexist pig and perhaps prosecutes him. (A fair percentage of females yield to male aggression anyway, which only encourages bad male behavior and perpetuates the aggressive male’s assumption that when a female says “no,” she means “yes.”) If he is not aggressive, the female labels him a beta male, or ignores him. At any point, a female can spurn or ridicule the male at will, even mid-coitus, and suffer no consequences, because the law backs the female in nearly every situation.

This systematic emasculation of males through law and social pressure has helped encourage the rise of the “Peter Pan Syndrome,” where males do not “grow up,” learn to commit, learn to take responsibility, etcetera. Instead, males remain in a childlike state of dependence, irresponsibility, and selfishness. Females blame males for that too, of course. At the same time, they wonder “where all the good men have gone.”

Good men are there, of course. They’re all around. But many of them have figured out that it’s not worth pursuing females, because females’ socially-and-legally-encouraged erratic behavior makes it not worth the trouble to deal with them.

In Japan, the shift in social and legal power to females after World War II was even more distinct and abrupt than in the United States, because of Japan’s traditional roles of males and females dating back more than a millennium under the code of bushido. The postwar shift in power to females gave rise to the phenomenon of “grass-eating men,” or “herbivores” (males uninterested in female companionship, as opposed to “carnivores,” males who are interested). The American term of “beta male” indicates interest in females, but a lack of aggression, as opposed to the aggressive “alpha male.” The Japanese term of “herbivore” indicates no interest in females.

So some females today complain about the lack of “good” males (which they usually define as wealthy, successful, handsome, marriageable, and chivalrous), and theorize about all sorts of reasons why a shortage of such males exists. Some males call this female behavior the “rationalization hamster,” where females invent reasons to blame males for the females’ inability to find a long-term mate, without understanding or admitting their own part in creating and perpetuating a modern-day climate of hateful misandry.

I am a “herbivore.” I only spent about five years trying to figure out female behavior, before I realized that a large part of female behavior has no rationale behind it, other than whatever her hormones make her feel like doing at the moment. (This is absolutely true of male behavior also, so labeling me sexist is inaccurate. I loathe both human genders equally, except that females generally have better hygiene, France notwithstanding.)

Once I realized that most humans’ actions and thoughts are ruled by their hormones (their “feelings”) and not by logic, life was much easier for me. I stopped worrying about finding a mate. It was no one’s fault; it was just the way things were. I knew that I would always be alone, and I was comfortable with the idea. It freed me to be who I wanted to be, without concern for what other people thought.

Being myself, without concern for what others thought about it, eventually attracted my darling wife, who also operates by logic. There was no pretense, no role-playing, no games. We liked each other for who we were. We were compatible in all ways, not just physically, which is where most people go wrong and why their relationships disintegrate when physicality fades. We both also knew that we could just as easily be alone. Knowing that each can survive just fine without the other helps to keep us on our good behavior. Neither of us takes each other for granted, because we always know the other can leave at any time (or arrange an unfortunate accident for the other, to collect the insurance).

Some beta males (or unsuccessful alpha males) in the “manosphere” (the male blogosphere) regularly bash females for the males’ inability to find a mate. This indicates that the male has failed to accept that finding a mate (or even the act of mating) is not going to happen. As long as the mate-less male resents their situation, they will be angst-ridden. Once they accept it, they can move past it, and perhaps even find a mate. But as long as they resent their mate-less situation, it probably will not change. Some mate-less males exude pheremones of desperation, which drive females away. Other mate-less males exude pheremones of resentment, which have the same effect.

As Joshua the computer said in “War Games,” “the only winning move is not to play.” If a male does not believe that dealing with erratic female behavior is worth the trouble, then he should stop dealing with females, and stop caring about it too. He should live his life to the fullest, and not worry about being alone. This frees him to be himself. If he then finds a mate, fine. If he doesn’t, fine. But he must commit wholeheartedly to not caring, to not playing the game. Otherwise he will wind up writing self-indulgent, whiny posts like this one.

3 Comments
  1. 2012-05-23T01:48:48+00:00 01:48

    Nothing attracts the ladies quite like going on the internet and saying how they suck.

    Like

    • 2012-05-23T21:54:28+00:00 21:54

      What’s really fun is when you tell them to their face, as long as you don’t mind a fat lip.

      Like

  2. 2012-05-19T22:07:44+00:00 22:07

    everything you’ve written is true, and well put.

    Like

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