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Death by a thousand handshakes


I watched various university leaders shake the hand of each and every one of the school’s graduating class. It went on for over an hour.

I watched, and thought of the cornucopia of viruses and bacteria which were building a thriving, advanced civilization on the hands of those benighted academics. The thought made me queasy. I knew the sight had to be bothering darling wife too. She keeps antiseptic wipes in her car, because she is more susceptible to Earthly germs than I am. I usually don’t need wipes because my alien DNA protects me, and I usually avoid touching people. But watching this ceremony was nauseating.

I leaned over to darling wife. “I need a wipe,” I whispered.

“Me too!” she whispered back, through gritted teeth.

  1. 2012-05-18T13:57:53-04:00 13:57

    I remember watching a documentary on Queen Elizabeth II. Her ladies-in-waiting carry several pairs of extra gloves for her. She changes them after about 100 handshakes because the right hand glove gets so gross and dirty.


  2. 2012-05-17T01:34:20-04:00 01:34

    I had to chuckle over this post, I have a couple graduations coming up next week for a niece and a nephew.Carrying antiseptic wipes myself, I really can identify with you and your wife Marvin. Watching these graduation ceremonies, now all I will be thinking is of the wipes when I see the hand shaking! :)


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