Remotely Piloted Vehicle

Lately I feel a very tenuous connection to this body. It’s like I am living my life somewhere else, and animating this body only as an afterthought. It’s difficult to explain. I’m present and focused in my daily life, but I have this feeling lately that I may step out of this body at any moment, either temporarily or permanently. Rather like a video game character, this sleeve of carbon-based organic matter is animated and directed by an intelligence that is not vested in it. Like a Remotely Piloted Vehicle, if you will. I’m here, but I’m not here. “Here” is a transient, ephemeral concept anyway, given that the reality that we each perceive is merely a construct in our minds… or in someone else’s mind.

Lately, darling wife has been expressing trepidation that she won’t be here much longer at all. She has a sense of foreboding, a sense of her own mortality. She maintains a dual belief system – she has memories of past lives, so she acknowledges the logical possibility of reincarnation, yet she maintains that there is no afterlife, that there is no indestructible spirit, that the death of the physical body is the end for that consciousness. I’m not sure how or why she maintains two belief systems. It seems energy-intensive. One belief system is enough for me.  I don’t challenge her on it, though – it’s her business what she wants to believe in, or profess that she believes in.

Perhaps the end of this particular existence is close at hand for both of us. It would be nice to end this life together, because neither of us would want to continue without the other. We’ve been very fortunate to have found each other in this go-round. We know we’ve been lucky, and neither of us expect that luck to hold out forever. We enjoy it while it lasts. When it’s over, that’s okay too. No one gets out alive.

Back to the everyday tasks at hand in this particular “reality.” Meanwhile, I’m sure that I’m doing something else, somewhere else too, multitasking. I just hope I don’t get my tasks mixed up, between “here” and “there.”